I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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