I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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