my mouth tastes like poor choices
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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