Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
