Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
