My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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