Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
