I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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