hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
