i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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