Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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