Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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