of course. lets lasso hookers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
