She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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