i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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