haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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