called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
