My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
