Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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