The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
