You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
