She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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