I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
