I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
