Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
