I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He felt like a one man threesome
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
