That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
