He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
