he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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