I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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