At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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