Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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