I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
