At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
