i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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