Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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