I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
