great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
