Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
