If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
