apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
