im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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