What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
