Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dignity is for republicans.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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