I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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