His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
