I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
