I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
