uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
