you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
