She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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