i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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