when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
