Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize