i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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