So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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