just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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