if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
