Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
