Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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