How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
