Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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