i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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