Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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