Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
