I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't deserve a penis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
