Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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