Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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