He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i drank out of a bidet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
