I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
