i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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