worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
