You can't motorboat a personality
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
