My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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