Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
