Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
