Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't notice because vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
