i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
