Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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