A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She is in my trunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
