We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
