Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
