hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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