i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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