Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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